ramblings of an aimless mind

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Archive for July 2011

Pun my soul!!

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I am a huge fan of puns. They can be delightful little buggers, completely undeserving of that accusation of them being the lowest form of wit. It takes sharpish minds and good command of language to create and understand one so I cannot see what is not to like.

Here are a few. I would love to claim them as my own but I ripped them off an email that reached me from the depths of the internet.

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

9.Kings worry about a receding heir-line.

10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.
In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,
you’d be in Seine .
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says,
‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’
The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

Written by clueso

July 20, 2011 at 6:35 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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